Blight Christmas

Holy wintry mix, Batman! Why are Scary Manilow and Curvacia Vavoom outside doing THIS...




...when they could be inside doing THIS?

Holiday Mirth, Program-style

A last-minute blizzard has kept Curvacia and I from fulfilling our familial obligations for the season, but we've somehow managed to make do (hint: the keys to my coping mechanism are at the bottom of a rum bottle)... Thankfully, we have a CUSTOM MADE X-MESS TREE and a BOOTLEG YULE LOG VIDEO to keep us cozy whilst the wintry elements rage outside.



Check out these key-razy Nutcrackers-- Dracula and Frankenstein making a rare off-season appearance!






And here is the magic levitating tree that Curvacia assembled for us this year-- absurdly stylish and 100% cat safe! How does she always manage to be the greatest person ever?



My daughter is coming up this weekend to help help us see the rest of the year out... More adventures to follow! Until then, wishing you and yours a very merry-merry!

--Scary!

All I want for X-mess is...

1. A trip to the Alamo Drafthouse for the special screening of CHRISTMAS EVIL with director Lewis Jackson!



2. A CHIN. Sure, I look a regular joe from the front:


But when you see me in profile, everything goes to S-H-I-T:


Seriously-- it's like someone slapped me in the face with a shovel, Loony Tunes-style.Is there an equivalent of a boob job for the male chin? If so, it's a procedure I'd enjoy looking into.

3. The Return of WIZARD VIDEO! My life is much emptier now that the local video store is no longer populated with oversized clamshells of the greatest horror movie art in the history of the form. Observe:









4. FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. That's all the money I would need to buy THIS...



...and jump start production on my next movie.

5. To be ON A MAGIC CARPET WITH THE THREE SUNS!