Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Two Wheels and an Attitude

I recently purchased a car after going nearly ten years without one. Being the flashy motherfucker that I am, I droped a grand on a '92 Oldsmobile 88 Royale-- something I can feel good about rolling my peeps to bingo in. Burgundy exterior, burgundy interior, pre-filled ashcan, in-dash cassette player... all my needs are met. So, of course, the fucking thing is already in the shop.

As you may or may not know, I have a pretty stellar frankenbike (mentioned in passing all the way back HERE) which currently occupies several spots on the floor of our garage. This would be as good a time as any to reassemble those shameful pieces into a functional whole-- I can seize this opportunity to start riding again, to try and do something about this CAR GUT I've so recently acquired (seriously, now that I don't drink anymore, driving a car is the only excuse I have for carrying a spare tire). And, what with May being NATIONAL BIKE MONTH at all, fixing my bicycle feels like a CIVIC DUTY... who am I to swim against the moral tide?

The first recorded auto accident involved a car hitting a cyclist, which also occured in May-- having been clobbered by a few autos whilst riding in the past, I'd just like to pass on a little advice: WATCH OUT FOR CARS. MOST DRIVERS ARE IDIOTS AND THEY WILL NOT SEE YOU. If this advice fails you and you somehow walk away, HIRE A GOOD LAWYER and SUE, SUE, SUE. It's the American thing to do, after all.

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