Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Slab Rat

This week I'm selling my health for medical research. And what is my health worth, you might ask? This time around, 1700 smackaroos-- two stays of four nights each, which isn't so bad when you consider the free food*, bedside cable television, and unlimited internet access... It's almost like a quick stay at a low-end resort, the kind of resort where they stick blood-draw catheters in your arm, bundle you in group dorms with hardened criminals, and impose a strict LIGHTS OUT policy every night at 11.

*A quick note on the aforementioned "free food": we're testing an experimental diabetes pill. Since none of us in the control group actually HAVE diabetes, and forcibly infecting us with diabetes would be somewhat unethical, they're making us to eat hospital-style junk food to compensate. In the words of our study director, "Take my word for it. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's a whole lot of mayonnaise." Anyone who knows my feelings towards mayonnaise (ugh) will understand that I'm REALLY earning that check this time around.

I picked up this record recently and it is the OPPOSITE of mayonnaise. Two things I love combined in one complete toothpaste. Ladies and germs, I give you HUGO MONTENEGRO covering NEIL DIAMOND:

Some one was reading my mind.

PS: Curvacia recently picked up a USB turntable for our mutual birthdays-- expect a FLOOD of esoteric thrift-store weirdness to be heading your way in the coming weeks!


  1. You really are doing it, eh? I remember back in the 80s I had pals that would sell blood. Well, I'm from Boston so there were always tons of experiments going on. Hell, we're all poor now.

  2. You are far braver than I am! My one and only foray into slab rattery almost killed me.
    Nothing like "heart-stopped, conscious yet unable to respond" anesthesia to ruin the whole idea of that being an easy way to earn money.
    Go you!

  3. looking forward to the vinyl! i may have to start selling my body to science, too- i just got laid off...

  4. Professor: I've been doing it off and on for 15 years, and no super powers yet.