The Queen is in the Closet (Camp Records, 1965)

http://www.mediafire.com/?mynfzznvzgj

Whack-a-mole

Tomorrow is National Masturbation Day. To get ready for the big event, here's a couple of helpful videos to PRIME THE PUMP.

Amateur Hour

STANDARD SUNDAY NIGHT CONVERSATION AT WORK:

"Do you have any specials tonight?"

"Yeah, it's two dollar wells."

"Really? Okay. I'll take one of those, please."

"Okay, so what do you want?"

"A well. One well."

"Um... What KIND of well? We've got vodka, bourbon, gin, etc."

"Oh, I didn't know what you mean. Do you have a well beer?"

"Our cheapest beer is Hamm's. You want a Hamm's?"

"Uh, what in the world is a HAM?"

"Hamm's? It's just a cheap beer in a can."

"In a CAN? Oh my gawd. That-sounds-REVOLTING! Can you make me a Limeade Martini?"

"A limeade martini?"

"Yeah, you know... a LIMEADE MARTINI."

"I have a lime. I have martini fixings. You mean, like a gimlet?"

"Oh, never mind. Just give me the fucking HAM."

"One Hamm's coming up..."

"Oh my gawd. What the hell is this we're watching? It looks horrible."

"This movie? It's called C.H.U.D. I brought it from home."

"C.H.U.D? What in the world is a C.H.U.D?"

"A Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller."

"Do you LIKE this kind of movie or are you just trying to be funny?"

"A little of both... That'll be one-seventy-five for the beer."

"Okay, hang on-- do you have change for two dollars?"

END TRANSMISSION.

From the Private Files of Mr. Manilow

As mentioned previously, we've been rearranging our humble abode in order to make our lives more manageable. This has involved sorting through mountains of accumulated clutter, discarding what we can (with no small amount of heartache), and finding more visible exhibit space for the rest. In the process, I've rediscovered some long-forgotten gems from the bowels of my collection... OBSERVE!

Photos of old drunks that I am convinced are actually myself and Curvacia after a bizarre time-travelling incident:





Hilarious postcards that I'm going to fill out and mail to myself from the beachfront hotel of some exotic tropical isle:





An awesome puzzle called "The Mods" that I picked up from a flea market and never had the heart to assemble:



And, of course, TRASHY BOOKS GALORE:




"AN EVENING READER," indeed!



"Laundering procedures in this book were developed in the Maytag product testing laboratory-- a complete, up-to-date LAUNDRY RESEARCH CENTER." Some people have the best jobs, I swear.



In my head, this title always reads as "Killer in DA House."






I also found a slew of amazing records backed up somewhere -- a PUTT PUTT concept album, anyone?-- which I promise to rip and post samples from as soon as this ordeal is through.

Cosmonautopia

Scenes from the the future, Soviet style:

Still Kicking...

One of these days, I'm going to get back to regular posts, I swear. And by "regular posts," I mean, "updates about something other than my band."

In my defense, the last month and a half of my life has been occupied with family visits, extended stays in the local medical research facility, and a massive home-base rearranging project (which yielded great results in the FORGOTTEN JUNK department-- more on that later this week).

Until this weekend, I leave you with THIS:

And THIS:

As you were, comrades.

(For some reason, Youtube doesn't embed any smaller than this anymore, so a third of the screen has been clipped by Blogger. D'oh! If you double-click and go straight to the source, you should be able to see the whole thing).

The End is Nigh

I haven't had a drink in almost four months now, but the stress of having a seven-inch release AND film fest deadlines ON THE SAME DAY might push me back over the edge. Stay strong, Manilow!




Wish us luck tonight! I'll be back this weekend with a full report.


PS: Today is New Year's on "old calendar"-- according to the tarot, the first day of the Fool's journey, TRUMP 0. Here's to taking a leap of faith!